AJkoolaid

Tumblr is literally the ONLY place i can everything out and feel better about things. When i write here i feel relieved. Lately, my life has been terrible. I am not happy at all. I can honestly say that i am not a happy person at all. I’m in a bad mood more than i’m in a good mood. I feel more than anything, something always bothers me. There’s always something there that just bothers me. Even though, i have no idea what it is…it’s there. I feel like in the past year i haven’t been myself. Just looking bad on myself, i have changed drastically. To be honest, i have become this person that is not me at all. I am putting on this act to try and be happy, but no matter what…. it’s not there. I rather be myself and be genuinely happy, then be some fake person and be miserable. I know the changes i need to make in my life…. and i need to make them. I can’t stand to go through another minute of pretending to be happy, pretending to be this person i’m not and most of all watch the things i love the most slip away, and for me to not go after the things i love most in life. I think, what will mostly bring me back to who i am is going to college in New York. I know it sounds crazy, but i’m the kind of person who doesn’t make big changes, who is always too scared to do something i want more than anything and i’m tired of it. I know going to NYU will be good for me, i know. New york is somewhere i love more than anything, it’s somewhere that when i’m there i can completely be myself. I think living in a new enviroment with new people and everything will really be able to help me become a happy person, that’s all i want in life is to be happy. If i was my parents and i knew that my daughter was just totally crushed inside and hurting and just so unhappy i would just totally be just broken. To know that my own daughter i’ve raised so far is so unhappy she is being someone she’s not.